我自己寫的作文大家幫忙看看給點意見吧

艾木之偉 · 發表于 2011-12-8 23:36

本帖最后由艾木之偉于 2011-12-8 23:37 編輯

RT，這是09年的大作文——網絡的遠與近，文章如下：

It is vividly depicted in the picture that a lot of people sitting there and playing computer .There are different kinds of person such as older、younger、man and woman,whose all enjoying contact with others in computer , they are also sitting behind ach other ,which look like a net cover with all of them .

The purpose of the picture is to show us that Internet make us more and more closer , meanwhile more and more farer . For one thing ,in this society,people are busy with daily work and life without more time to attend socialactivity. Fortunately , Internet help us contact with others more easy and convenient . That is to say,itmake us more closer . But , for another , just like the person in the picture , although close to each other , they are still use computer to talk with stranger . People are user to Internet social rather than reality social in other words , in this social net , Internet make us more farer . That is not a good pheromenon we like look at .

In my views , Internet is a rapier . We should use it in daily life to stronge our social side . But , it is more important for us to join reality social activity to training our social ability . Only we contact more person in real social rather than Internet social can we enjoy a happy and integrted life .

大家提點意見，覺得這篇文章能拿多少分？（我考安徽的）

老邵的考研夢 · 發表于 2011-12-9 00:04

滿分的百分之七十的分數吧
字數夠，意思表達清楚了，結構也很模板。這是優點
缺點是單詞真的太naive,句子真的很juvenile。第二段的make，是腦子里"使”的第一反應，但我們在考試盡量不用，可以用六級單詞考研單詞，induce,result in.還有這里要用第三人稱makes，而不是make. 句子太單薄了，要長句啊that，not only......but also,還要proverb adage(Shakepeare ever said/an old proverb,etc)
雖然很多人說作文不一定要用大詞華麗詞，但肯定不能是高中作文，要有區分度。fabulous magnificent deliberate driven dynamic decisive conducive utilize corporate ambiguous hilarious extravagant......要用些考研單詞樹上的詞,批卷老師認為這些詞才是本科生該用的。他們認為的偏詞難詞肯定不是這些。

艾木之偉 · 發表于 2011-12-10 22:12

老邵的考研夢發表于 2011-12-9 00:04
滿分的百分之七十的分數吧
字數夠，意思表達清楚了，結構也很模板。這是優點
缺點是單詞真的太naive,句子真 ...

真的很感謝，受教了！可以問問你，作文現在一般應該怎么準備嗎？我在背歷年的真題高分作文，然后平時也寫，可是感覺很多表達和單詞不會，基本的一些語法也不懂，不知道應該怎么辦啊？

老邵的考研夢 · 發表于 2011-12-11 14:23

看英語文摘。
不要用模板或少用模板。這是王江濤自己說的。雖然他自己寫模板作文的書，但他說要高分就拋棄模板。大家都模板都是平均分高一點的分數。看英語文摘總結自己的模板。長句和考研單詞一定要要。

kongling1009 · 發表于 2011-12-11 17:53

The purpose of the picture is to show us that Internet make us more and more closer , meanwhile more and more farer . meanwhile好像不對吧，however，我就看了開頭

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