我自己寫(xiě)的作文 大家?guī)兔纯?給點(diǎn)意見(jiàn)吧

艾木之偉

RT，這是09年的大作文——網(wǎng)絡(luò)的遠(yuǎn)與近，文章如下：

It is vividly depicted in the picture that a lot of people sitting there and playing computer .There are different kinds of person such as older、younger、man and woman,whose all enjoying contact with others in computer , they are also sitting behind ach other ,which look like a net cover with all of them .

The purpose of the picture is to show us that Internet make us more and more closer , meanwhile more and more farer . For one thing ,in this society,people are busy with daily work and life without more time to attend socialactivity. Fortunately , Internet help us contact with others more easy and convenient . That is to say,itmake us more closer . But , for another , just like the person in the picture , although close to each other , they are still use computer to talk with stranger . People are user to Internet social rather than reality social in other words , in this social net , Internet make us more farer . That is not a good pheromenon we like look at .

In my views , Internet is a rapier . We should use it in daily life to stronge our social side . But , it is more important for us to join reality social activity to training our social ability . Only we contact more person in real social rather than Internet social can we enjoy a happy and integrted life .

大家提點(diǎn)意見(jiàn)，覺(jué)得這篇文章能拿多少分？（我考安徽的）

老邵的考研夢(mèng)

滿(mǎn)分的百分之七十的分?jǐn)?shù)吧
字?jǐn)?shù)夠，意思表達(dá)清楚了，結(jié)構(gòu)也很模板。這是優(yōu)點(diǎn)
缺點(diǎn)是單詞真的太naive,句子真的很juvenile。第二段的make，是腦子里"使”的第一反應(yīng)，但我們?cè)诳荚嚤M量不用，可以用六級(jí)單詞考研單詞，induce,result in.還有這里要用第三人稱(chēng)makes，而不是make. 句子太單薄了，要長(zhǎng)句啊that，not only......but also,還要proverb adage(Shakepeare ever said/an old proverb,etc)
雖然很多人說(shuō)作文不一定要用大詞華麗詞，但肯定不能是高中作文，要有區(qū)分度。fabulous magnificent deliberate driven dynamic decisive conducive utilize corporate ambiguous hilarious extravagant......要用些考研單詞樹(shù)上的詞,批卷老師認(rèn)為這些詞才是本科生該用的。他們認(rèn)為的偏詞難詞肯定不是這些。

艾木之偉

老邵的考研夢(mèng) 發(fā)表于 2011-12-9 00:04
滿(mǎn)分的百分之七十的分?jǐn)?shù)吧
字?jǐn)?shù)夠，意思表達(dá)清楚了，結(jié)構(gòu)也很模板。這是優(yōu)點(diǎn)
缺點(diǎn)是單詞真的太naive,句子真 ...

真的很感謝，受教了！可以問(wèn)問(wèn)你，作文現(xiàn)在一般應(yīng)該怎么準(zhǔn)備嗎？我在背歷年的真題高分作文，然后平時(shí)也寫(xiě)，可是感覺(jué)很多表達(dá)和單詞不會(huì)，基本的一些語(yǔ)法也不懂，不知道應(yīng)該怎么辦啊？

老邵的考研夢(mèng)

看英語(yǔ)文摘。
不要用模板或少用模板。這是王江濤自己說(shuō)的。雖然他自己寫(xiě)模板作文的書(shū)，但他說(shuō)要高分就拋棄模板。大家都模板都是平均分高一點(diǎn)的分?jǐn)?shù)?？从⒄Z(yǔ)文摘總結(jié)自己的模板。長(zhǎng)句和考研單詞一定要要。

kongling1009

The purpose of the picture is to show us that Internet make us more and more closer , meanwhile more and more farer .  meanwhile好像不對(duì)吧，however，我就看了開(kāi)頭