Volunteers Wanted For Comments On English Wrting

考研啦沖啊 · 發表于 2012-12-28 23:58

what a wonderful environment we enjoy will be 我勒個去看到這句我暈了

fainthahaha · 發表于 2012-12-29 00:04

看完第一段就看不下去了……是我水平太次了吧，讀著很費勁啊，最后一句是不是沒動詞啦

avh0202 · 發表于 2012-12-29 00:06

While our economic development now has been rising up

雖然我水平不高，但看完這一句我真的不想看了，總覺得到處都不對勁。。。。

fainthahaha · 發表于 2012-12-29 00:28

!感-杠-問? 發表于 2012-12-28 23:34
整篇文章試圖寫一些長句，這需要鼓勵。但希望文章寫完以后仔細檢查語法錯誤，同時注意對于部分單詞的運用應 ...

What can we be illuminated, apparently but thinking-provokingly, is the loss of public morality，
你說這句話很好，可以算作一句模板句了吧，可為什么是一些褒義性的詞匯，既然是不好的事，若是改成中性詞怎么改好？

it seems hard to give some—at least a little—focus on from people on other sides except the pursuit of economic benefits and satisfaction with materials, having lead the concentration on public values to be naturally overlooked.
focus on from people 為什么focus on +from，是不是多了一個介詞？
having led sth being naturally overlooked，句式是不是有些奇怪？

就先這么多吧，我能用到的就這些了，剩下的部分和我風格不一樣，我也就不琢磨了

!感-杠-問? · 發表于 2012-12-29 11:55

fainthahaha 發表于 2012-12-29 00:28
What can we be illuminated, apparently but thinking-provokingly, is the loss of public morality，
...

What can we be illuminated, apparently but thinking-provokingly, is the loss of public morality.
這是一句倒裝句，正常語序是：Apparently but thinking-provokingly, the loss of public morality is what we can be illuminated.
副詞apparently but thinking-provokingly是修飾整個句子

Now, under such fierce competition among us, it seems hard to give some—at least a little—focus on from people on other sides except the pursuit of economic benefits and satisfaction with materials, having led to the concentration of public values being naturally overlooked.
這句話是比較地道的，主要體現在句子結構和用詞上。但under such fierce competition among us中的among us就不地道了。分析一下這句話的結構：
It seems hard to give some focus on (from people on other sides except the pursuit of economic benefits and satisfaction with materials,) having led the concentration of public values being naturally overlooked.
on的賓語是having led the concentration of public values being naturally overlooked，而from這個括號部分focus on這個動作的邏輯執行者，這里的from相當于as for，或者說有in one's opinion / from one's perspective的意思。而on other sides except the pursuit of economic benefits and satisfaction with materials則是修飾people的，表述“除了……”的意思（except ...修飾sides）。最后是focus on的賓語having led to the concentration of public values being naturally overlooked，這里the concentration of public values being naturally overlooked是一個動名詞短語，表示的是一句話的意思。

CAROTE · 發表于 2012-12-29 19:45

!感-杠-問? 發表于 2012-12-28 23:34
整篇文章試圖寫一些長句，這需要鼓勵。但希望文章寫完以后仔細檢查語法錯誤，同時注意對于部分單詞的運用應 ...

非常感謝你的回答看出來哥們是用心幫我了祝你考上理想的大學

現在就開始備考 · 發表于 2012-12-30 00:23

我這種學英語的蝦米表示純粹看不懂

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[作文] Volunteers Wanted For Comments On English Wrting