懸賞求修改作文，可追加懸賞，多謝！

muyuan1988 · 發表于 2011-11-23 20:57

本帖最后由 muyuan1988 于 2011-11-23 20:59 編輯

   作文都是自己在寫，也不知道寫的怎么樣，求大神們指點江山，在此謝過，意見中肯定會追加懸賞，拜托各位了！
PS：這是09年的真題作文！

   From the picture ,we can  clearly see that people ,closed to each other ,are divided into small groups by a net called Internet.The intend meaning,the picture is to convey ,is that the Internet exacts a bad influence on the relationship of our humans in mordern society.
   As we all know,the invention of Internet does great benifit to the man in many aspects,such as the e-mail,the e-bank,e-library,which bring great convenience to us.It not only enchances the efficience of our daily life,but also brings us entainment in our spare time.We can chat with each other and play computer game online freely.But at the same time,it makes people more and more ignorance.The relationship between friends becomes less familar ,when comparing with that of the past.In this field,there is no doubt that it does harm to us.
   In my view,I consider that we make use of the Internet properly.On one hand,we should extend its advantages.On the other hand,we should also try our best to avoid its disadvantages.,only in this way,can we make our life much more beautiful in the era of the information.

小壞﹎ · 發表于 2011-12-9 22:55

As is subtly portrayed in the drawing, there is a peculiar phenomenon that people, closed to each other, are divided into several small groups by a net. Undoubtedly, the spider web serves as a symbol of Internet, both connecting people and isolating them from each other. (是近與遠啊，你主旨句怎么能只壞處)

From the portrayal, we can conclude that the painter wants convey such a message: the invention of Internet does greatly benefit the man in many aspects, it also exerts bad influence on our interpersonal relationship. For one thing, the e-mail, the e-bank,e-library is booming everywhere, which bring great convenience to us. For another, it not only enhances(raises) the efficiency of our daily life, but also makes people more and more indifferent(ignorance為無知，igonore是忽視). Therefore, the relationship between our friends and us seems to be less familiar, while compared with that of the past.

In my point of view, I’m firmly believed that we make use of the Internet properly. On the one hand, we should extend its advantages. On the other hand, we should also try our utmost to sidestep its drawbacks. Only in this way, can we make our life much more beautiful in the era of the information.

本人英語作文也不太好，互相學習了……第一段把we開頭的換了，英語習慣表達是非物做主語。然后主旨你只寫了壞處，不太對。還有少寫簡短句……最后一段的on the one hand 那句,我一時不懂怎么改長來……如果有錯誤見諒

		自動登錄	找回密碼
密碼			注冊

[作文] 懸賞求修改作文，可追加懸賞，多謝！

NEW最新資料推薦