大家?guī)兔o我的英語大作文評(píng)下分吧。。。

夕月夜さくら

印象還是比較深刻的，基本與考場(chǎng)上寫的一樣。記得在哪里看過好像建議多寫短句，不過我感覺我寫的句子都比較長(zhǎng)，反正大家?guī)兔υu(píng)下分吧，謝謝。。
     The bar chart profoundly demonstrates the trend of the number of the  part-time job from different students. In the light of the figures, we can see that the percentage of part-time jobs from freshman to senior has experienced an almost constant. Meanwhile, the percentage of part-time jobs of the junior students has witnessed a rise by a wide margin.
      Some driving factors that contribute to the phenomenon can be summaried as follows. In the first place, with the ever-increasingly  fierce job market, students begin to consider the part-time job as the one of the steps to the future job.  In the second place, as the education campaign has launched , parents come to cultivate their children' independence , which in turn will make  the students earn some pocket money by themselves. In the third place, the booming of the manufacture industry also made the part-time job possible.
       As noted above, a reasonable conclusion can be drawn that the current  trend is positive, and it is also the evidence of the students' growth, if the trend continues , the students in college will grow up in the better direction.

chilipepper

寫得很好 如果是我給13+

夕月夜さくら

chilipepper 發(fā)表于 2013-1-11 02:08
寫得很好 如果是我給13+

謝謝，長(zhǎng)句不別扭就行。。。。

lizhi01012991

第二句基本語法錯(cuò)誤。ever后面加形容詞吧，我記得雅思十天作文里說的。第一句from改成among更好。manufactual吧。made時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤是硬傷。語言表達(dá)chinglish有點(diǎn)重，中式思維套英語。差不多能給到十分吧，不會(huì)高于十分。

lizhi01012991

junior是大三，senior是大四。。。你弄混了吧。字?jǐn)?shù)也太少了，高分都是180甚至兩百以上。話說第一個(gè)萬能理由和我一樣呢。。。。

夕月夜さくら

lizhi01012991 發(fā)表于 2013-1-13 00:19
junior是大三，senior是大四。。。你弄混了吧。字?jǐn)?shù)也太少了，高分都是180甚至兩百以上。話說第一個(gè)萬能理 ...

呵呵，謝謝這么認(rèn)真的幫我糾錯(cuò)哦。不過ever-increasingly 這里是一個(gè)單詞，那么低級(jí)的錯(cuò)誤我還不至于犯。
manufacture industry也是個(gè)固定搭配，制造業(yè)。還有，我的字?jǐn)?shù)是188個(gè)WORDS。我作文里第一個(gè)理由確實(shí)不太好，當(dāng)時(shí)反應(yīng)遲鈍了，選了個(gè)不好的理由，自己太笨啦。呵呵。不管怎么樣，都衷心祝福你，當(dāng)然還有自己，能被心儀的大學(xué)錄取。

zoo2011

寫得好有水平啊。沒有模板么？